


Time for Healing

by Rivermoon1970



Series: Time and Again [11]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Family, Fluff and Angst, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-04
Updated: 2015-02-04
Packaged: 2018-03-10 11:54:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3289403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rivermoon1970/pseuds/Rivermoon1970
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reid panics after seeing video of Aaron being blasted away from his SUV.  He tries to comfort Aaron after a personal loss.  When Reid arrives home he decides to surprise Aaron, but  will Haley give the genius a chance?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Time for Healing

_Now:_

“Where are we going Papa?” Sasha asked Spencer.

“Somewhere we both need to go sweetheart”. When he drove back into the cemetery they had just left only a few hours ago Sasha looked at him with wide sad eyes.

“Why here Papa, why? I don’t want to be here,” She started crying into her hands. Spencer reached over and started stroking her hair trying to comfort her.

“Because princess, neither of us said goodbye,” After the burial they were both numb, neither one could move they had just stared at the lowered casket feeling lost and not knowing what to do. It wasn’t until Ethan and Dave had steered the two of them back to their limo that they moved at all.

Spencer parked, got out and moved to open the passenger side door. He bent down and looked at his daughter with love and sadness warring in his eyes. “Honey, come on. No one’s here but us this time”. She reluctantly got out of the car not sure what her Papa wanted from her. She didn’t want to see her Daddy’s grave, but she also knew her Papa was right. She didn’t say goodbye. They walked hand-in-hand to the fresh grave and Spencer ran his hand over the temporary plaque as he sat down, pulling Sasha into his lap.

“Aaron, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t fast enough, I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough to save you. I don’t know how to do this without you Aaron. I don’t know how to take my next steps, or how to breathe. I can’t sleep or eat, even coffee turns bitter in my mouth. Nothing is right and I don’t know how to do this…” He bowed his head and let out the gut-wrenching sobs that kept threatening him all day, the ones that kept getting interrupted by well-meaning friends, the ones that kept getting stuck in his throat whenever he thought about his lost love. Sasha turned around in his lap and threw her arms around his neck. Seeing her Papa cry like that she finally felt it was okay to do the same. 

Spencer wrapped his arms tightly around her and they stayed like that for a long time, holding each other, letting out all of the pain that they had been holding back for so long. After a while he looked back down, laid a hand on the soft ground and whispered, “Goodbye Aaron. I will miss you. There will never be anyone else”. He closed his eyes and tried to calm the raging storm within his heart.

Sasha mimicked Spencer and put her little hand next to his and whispered, “Goodbye Daddy”.

They didn’t hear the footsteps approaching and when Spencer felt a hand on his shoulder he jumped-up in panic. He looked around and saw someone standing there, someone he hadn’t seen in a long, long time.

“I’m sorry. If you don’t want me to be here I’ll leave”. She was tentative and shy with Spencer.

He looked at her with mixed emotions, “Elle, why are you here?” He asked a little sharper than he mean to.

“I’m sorry, I’ll go”.

He frowned then sighed deeply, “No, Elle, don’t go”.

She walked up to Reid and asked, “Reid, what’s going on?” She knew that Reid and Hotch were close, but she’d stayed away from DC for so long that she didn’t know about them.

“What do you mean? What does it look like is going on?” He looked at her like she had just said the dumbest thing in the world.

“Papa?” Sasha looked up at Reid with some fear in her eyes.

“It’s okay Sash, this is someone Daddy and I knew a long-time ago”. Elle’s eye’s widened, and she started to put two and two together.

“Reid? You and Hotch? Really? How, how long?” 

Spencer smiled cynically, “Depends on who you ask. I guess you could say our story started just after you did, but we were married for only ten years”. The tears wanted to fall again, but he didn’t want to cry in front of this woman. Someone who he had once thought was a friend, but walked out without saying anything to him. 

“Wow, I ah, I don’t know what to say…”

“Well Elle, there isn’t really anything to say is there? The man I’ve loved for most of my adult life is gone. My children lost a father. The team lost its leader and friend. What are you going to say?” He hadn’t realized that he still harbored a little bit of anger at her. “He was the best of us and I’ll never see him again”. Spencer whispered as he looked down at the grave fresh silent tears falling. They stayed there like that for a while, not saying anything to each other.

“Why are you here Elle?” Spencer finally acknowledged her again.

“I don’t really know. I spent so long being angry at him, at the team. He was right you know”. She frowned.

“Right about what?”

“I didn’t take responsibility for my actions. I didn’t deal properly with what happened to me. It took me a long-time to figure it out. I wanted to come back and apologize”.

“Why didn’t you?”

She huffed out a laugh, “I was afraid, afraid that he wouldn’t forgive me”.

“Elle, you know that’s not true. He tried to help you, I tried to help you. You pushed us away”. He looked at her with such sadness that it broke her heart. “You know he was the one that cleaned up your apartment, don’t you?”

She frowned again. She hadn’t heard that, “No. Why didn’t anyone tell me?”

Spencer smiled, “Because only he and I knew. You know how private he was, he never liked bragging, he just did things and didn’t expect anything in return. How did you hear?”

She swallowed hard and when she looked-up at Spencer she suddenly realized what she missed out on, all that time being angry she missed-out on the friendship she had with Reid and it made her want to cry. “I ummm, I sorta kept up with you guys. You were never really far from my mind. I just never had the courage to come back”.

“He tried to find you for the first couple of years. He felt he failed you somehow. He’d talk about you from time to time. You should have come back sooner…” Reid bent down picked-up his daughter and turned around to walk back to his car.

“REID,” She shouted, “Wait, please?”

“What Elle? What can you possibly say that will help? Nothing, nothing is going to help this and if you really were sorry you would have come back sooner”.

“I don’t know Reid, I know nothing will help, but, if you give me a chance I want to try”. 

He stared at her for what seemed an impossibly long time then made a decision. He pulled a card from his pocket and handed it to her, “Not today, but call me and we’ll see”. He then walked away and left her standing there, the decision was in her hands. 

As he made his way back to his house, father and daughter quiet, but somehow coming out to the cemetery and saying goodbye was what they both needed.  
_____________________________________________  
 _Then:_

_Hotch: Your actions, as incredibly brave as they were, were still the actions of an agent who doesn't truly trust anyone._

_Morgan: Hotch, I did it for this team._

_Hotch: My opinion doesn't matter, the job's yours if you want it._

_Morgan: Hotch! Your opinion matters to me._

_Hotch: My life matters to me, and I have, and always will, entrust you with it. Would you do the same for me?_

The previous evening:

Reid ran in to the hospital just as Hotch was getting dressed and trying to give orders to the others. He ran up and grabbed the older man in a hug and didn’t care who was watching. His fear had gripped him when he saw the video of Aaron being blown away from the SUV. 

“Reid,” Aaron’s breath hitched for in the confusion and trying to help Kate he forgot to check on his lover. “I’m okay”. He whispered in Reid’s ear.

“Aaron you don’t look okay damn it…”

“Reid we don’t have time…”

“ _We have two god damn minutes Aaron_ ,” He yelled. He choked on his next words and said quietly, “We have two damn minutes. I saw the video and I thought…oh god Aaron….”

Hotch conceded for the moment as his arms came around Reid. And, if he was honest with himself he had been scared too. “I know Spencer, I know. I’m sorry”. He pulled back and looked into the frightened eyes of his partner, “I’m still here Spencer, I’m still here”. He pulled the genius into a tighter hug and held on for a moment. He then broke the contact, “Are you good?” Hotch himself had settled seeing that Reid was okay.

Spencer pulled back and pushed his hair behind his ear in a nervous gesture, “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine”. He took a deep breath then looked up and saw his team gathered around them, “Um, sorry guys…”

Morgan walked up and laid a hand on Reid’s arm, “Hey kid, we understand”. He saw when his friend finally settled and said, “Now, let’s go get this son of a bitch”. Morgan ran off and checked out the ambulance that had brought Kate and Hotch to the hospital and he saw the bomb. He drove off leaving the team to find the bomb maker and when they had the man committed suicide. It was over, but no one felt any better about it. 

Hotch ran back inside to find out what was going on with Kate. When he got to the emergency operating room he knew, he knew his friend was gone and it left a little hole in his heart. A couple of minutes later Spencer walked up behind Aaron and laid a hand on his shoulder, “I’m so sorry Aaron”.

He reached up and held Spencer’s hand, trying to hold back his emotions, “I know what you guys thought when you first met her. And I saw that flash of jealousy,” Aaron looked at Reid, “But, Reid, nothing ever happened between Kate and I. We just worked closely on a couple of projects and we became friends. And, yes it didn’t get past me that she looked a lot like Haley”. He slid a knowing look over at Reid.

“I didn’t say anything”. 

“You didn’t have to. I saw the look in your eye,” He turned around and laid a hand on Spencer’s cheek, “You don’t have to worry about that Spencer,” and he gently kissed his lover.

“Are you okay?”

Aaron took a deep breath, “Yeah, yeah I’m okay, but I know I’m going to kick Morgan’s ass for his actions”. Reid knew Hotch was back in Unit Chief mode and he did not want to be near Morgan when that conversation took place.

“Spencer, I’m not going to be able to fly back with the team. I have to drive back”.

“What? Why?” Spencer was getting concerned. He saw only superficial cuts and bruises, he didn’t see anything serious and he was quite sure that Aaron would try to keep it from him if there was something more going on.

“Spencer, I’m fine, it’s just my eardrum was damaged from the bomb blast”.

Spencer frowned, “Are you going to be okay Aaron?” Concern laced his every word.

“Yes, I’ll be fine. I just have to follow-up with my doctor and I’m sure everything will be okay”. Spencer wanted to believe him, but he felt that Aaron was holding something back. He gave him some leeway, for now.

“Okay, are we going back to the station or do you want to try to get some sleep?”

“Why don’t you go on ahead, I have something to take care of at the station and I’ll be along later”. Hotch’s stoic demeanor had settled back in place and Reid definitely knew he didn’t want to be at the station when Morgan came back.

The next morning the rest of the team was ready to go when Morgan decided he was going to drive Hotch back.

“You sure that is a good idea Derek?” Reid asked with a bit of terror on his face.

“Don’t worry, I’ll get your man back to you in one piece”. Morgan teased.

“It’s not Aaron I’m worried about...” Reid teased back and walked off to meet everyone else so they could take off quickly. 

Reid tried not to worry on the short trip home. JJ came to sit across from him, “Spence, Aaron is fine”.

“I know that JJ, but I was so scared. Seeing that video…” He hung his head slightly trying to school his emotions, “I can’t lose him too Jayje”. 

Her face softened as she reached over and grabbed his hand. “Spence, look at me,” He looked up into her pretty blue eyes, “You’re not going to lose him, okay?”

He smiled and for some reason hearing it from his best friend let him actually believed it. “Thank you”. The rest of the plane ride was uneventful and Spencer was able to get some sleep. The night before had been filled with worry and anxiety.  
__________________________________________________________________________________  
As he was driving towards home he had an idea, he just hoped that he could pull it off. He made his way over to Haley’s and prayed she’d hear him out. 

He walked up to the door and knocked and when she opened it she was shocked to see him standing there.

“Dr. Reid,” She just couldn’t bring herself to call him by his first name, not yet at least. “What are you doing here?”

“Haley, I know this is unusual, but I’ve come to ask a favor and I know I don’t have the right to but this is for Aaron…” His foot was tapping and he was nervous that she was  
going to turn him away.

She really looked at him and sensed something was wrong. She took a deep breath and decided to let the young man inside. “Come on,” she nodded her assent and let Spencer inside.

“Haley, look I know you don’t like me and I understand why, but I want to ask you if I can take Jack home with me so that we can surprise Aaron. I know it’s not his days with him, but I just know that Aaron would really appreciate having his son with him when he gets home…”

She held up a hand signaling for him to stop his rambling, “Dr. Reid, what’s going on?”

Spencer swallowed hard and settled himself, “Haley, I don’t know if you were watching the news at all last night..”

She frowned, “Yes,” She saw the war going on in the agents mind and she started to put two and two together, “Oh god, Spencer, that explosion, was that…was Aaron involved?”

He lifted his brows and took a mental note that she called him Spencer. He rushed his words because he saw the panic in her eyes, “Yes, but he’s okay. He has to drive back. I’ll let him explain why, but he lost a friend Haley and the case was…difficult and I just thought…” He sighed deeply, “I understand if you say no…” He stood there waiting to see what she would say.

She contemplated the young man before her for a minute, “Spencer, tell me something honestly first”.

“Sure, anything”.

“Do you really love Aaron?” She knew the answer, but she’d never really had a full conversation with the genius before.

A slow beautiful smile graced his too pretty face and she knew, “Yes Haley I really do love him. I’m sorry, I never wanted to hurt you…look I’m sorry this whole thing seems to be a bad idea, I’ll just go..” Haley laid a hand on his arm to stop him.

“Spencer, what happened in the past is in the past and I promised for Jacks sake that we’d work this out. So, yes, you can take Jack and if you want, keep him through to the weekend. That is if you don’t get…”

“The team has been given the next few days off. After what happened they figured we needed the downtime”.

Just then the little boy in question woke from his nap and ran into the room. His face lit up when he saw Spencer, “Pencer,” He yelled and ran into the outstretched arms. Spencer picked him up and buried his face in the boy’s neck. It wasn’t only Aaron that needed the comfort of the three year old, Spencer did too. Haley sensed that whatever it was that the team went through it was bad, so she didn’t begrudge Dr. Reid the comfort.

After a minute he pulled the boy back so he could look Jack in the face, “Hey buddy, how about you come home with me and we spend the whole rest of the week with Daddy?”

The boy’s face lit up and he nodded wildly. Spencer smiled and looked at Haley with a shy smile. “Okay Jack-Jack, but we need to go pack some things for you, okay?”  
Spencer put him down and the boy ran to his room.

“You’re good with him,” Haley simply stated.

“I used to not be. Good with kids that is. They called it the Reid effect. Kids and dogs, they didn’t like me, but I think it was just because I was terrified of children, but I’m still terrified of dogs. Jack seems to have cured me…” He knew he was rambling again.

“Come on, if I know the little terror he’s got half his drawers all torn apart”. Spencer noticed that Haley was trying to lighten the mood as they moved to Jacks room. 

In no time at all they had a bag packed and Spencer reassured her they had extra clothes at the apartment. “Oh, do you have a carseat?”

“Yup. You won’t believe how many weeks I spent on the internet doing research into the best one. I read everything there was to know about car seats and I was surprised by how many safety issues most of them have and after looking at and trying about 20 different…” He saw the look on Haley’s face and stopped, “Sorry, I tend to get excited and ramble. Yes, I got the kind that you can change slightly as they grow, but the way he’s going he’ll be big enough soon that he won’t need one”.

Haley just shook her head and realized just what it was that Aaron saw. Aaron was such a quiet man that Haley wouldn’t be surprised if he saw Spencer’s ramblings as charming. She also saw his intelligence, his enthusiasm and the fact that he loved Jack. 

“Jack, say goodbye to Mommy and we’ll go home and surprise Daddy, okay?”

“Okay Pencer,” He ran to his mom, “Bye Mommy, I love you”.

She knelt beside her son and gave him a hug, “I love you too Jackers. Be good for your Daddy and Uncle Spencer, okay?”

The little boy enthusiastically shook his head and waived bye as Spencer and Jack left the house.  
___________________________________________________________________________________  
Aaron arrived home in about three hours. The drive had been emotionally exhausting as he and Morgan hashed out their differences. Morgan was angry that Hotch wouldn’t  
give his recommendation for the position, but he didn’t really want to leave the BAU. Aaron was angry that Morgan took such a foolish action. They tried to come to an understanding and agreed to disagree. Morgan dropped him off at his apartment and sped off. All he wanted to do was pour himself a drink, talk Spencer into bed and go to sleep. But, as he was putting his key into the lock, he heard laughing. A child laughing to be exact and he smiled. He walked in and saw Spencer wrestling around on the floor with his son. He just stood there for a moment and savored the sight before him.

“Well, this is quite a surprise”. He didn’t think the two of them had heard him come in.

“Daddy,” Yelled the little boy and he ran and jumped into his father’s arms. Aaron hadn’t realized until that moment when his arms wrapped around his son just how much he needed him. But, somehow Spencer knew and he made it happen. He put the little boy down and ruffled his hair.

“Spencer,” He had no words to convey just what he was feeling.

“I figured that you would need Jack around. Haley said we could keep him here till Sunday”.

“You did this for me?” And Aaron was more moved than he had been in a long time.

Spencer smiled that crooked smile that Aaron loved so much. “Yes. Since they gave us this time off I thought I’d at least try…” Before he knew it Aaron was kissing Spencer effectively shutting the younger man up. 

“Thank you for this. I don’t know what you said to Haley, but thank you for this”. Aaron was moved beyond words.

“I just told her you needed your son. She saw the news reports Aaron…”

Aaron closed his eyes and knew that he should probably call and reassure her. Even though their marriage broke up it didn’t mean that he didn’t care, he did, it was just that everything was different now.

“I’ll call her later and reassure her”.

“I think that is a good idea. Now, what are we going to do with this little monkey? Huh?”

“How about we go to that little seafood shack on the beach, then we can let this one run off some of that energy”. 

“You’re not tired?”

“Not anymore. I’ll get changed, we’ll grab some beach stuff then head out. How’s that sound?”

Spencer slowly smiled and said, “Sounds amazing. Wanna go to the beach and eat some seafood you little monkey?”

“Yay,” Jack threw his arms up and cheered. 

About an hour later they were relaxing in beach chairs, eating shrimp and crawfish with corn and potatoes out of a large bucket. Aaron was having a beer and Spencer just some tea, he was going to be the designated driver. They carefully watched as Jack played in the sand and when he wandered towards the water one of them would quickly get up and go with him. When the sun started to descend and the temperatures cooled they piled back in the car and headed home.

Jack was exhausted so Aaron immediately put him to bed and the boy was asleep in seconds. Aaron had decided he’d give the boy a bath in the morning. He then made his way into the bedroom where Spencer had a small stack of books next to him. He was reading through one as Aaron sat down next to him. He grabbed the book from his hand and threw it across the room, then took Spencer’s face in his hands and kissed him passionately.

“Thank you again Spencer. We both needed this, but I know you did this for me”.

“Aaron I love you and I would do anything to make you happy”.

Aaron settled his face into his ever stoic look, but had a wicked gleam in his eye, “Anything Spencer?” His voice low and husky, it made Spencer’s eye flash with lust.

Spencer swallowed hard, “And just what did you have in mind Unit Chief Aaron Hotchner?”

“Mmmm, I like it when you call me that”. Aaron used his authoritative office voice and it made Spencer hard just hearing it. 

Aaron pulled the genius down on the bed and proceeded to ravish him, taking him slow and gentle at first, but thoughts of what they had just gone through entered into his head and his passion ignited. A part of him had feared that Spencer had been hurt also and he was more than relieved when he saw Spencer running into the hospital towards him. 

Aaron’s fear fueled him and he was rough and demanding and Spencer gave in to every touch, bite and scratch. By the time they both were ready for release their bodies were slick with sweat. 

Panting and trying to get his breath back Spencer rolled on top of Aaron, kissing him,”I love you Aaron, don’t ever scare me like that again”.

Aaron crookedly smiled, “I can’t quite promise that, but I promise I will try not to scare you like that again”. After some cuddling, they both took showers and settled in for the night.

“So, where should we take Jack tomorrow?” Aaron asked.

“Ooh, I know, the dinosaur museum”. Spencer said excitedly.

Aaron kissed the blond head lying on his chest and said, “Of course”. He fell asleep and was able to keep the nightmares away, at least for this night.


End file.
